Every Sunday there is a meeting of the horse-car coalition in the yard that belongs to the dog brothers Franz and Claus. The coalition is designed to bring horses together with their mechanical brothers. Unfortunately there are no horses in Puppyland.

A large silver car named Captain Alice told a story at the latest meeting. I was there and I heard it and recorded it by paw. This is how it went more or less.

There was an ugly car whose paint was falling off but he had a man who loved him. The man was poor and could not afford any of the human falderal, the soapy washings, the waxes, the coatings nor the education that was heaped upon luckier cars such as my brother and myself but the man did what he could. He polished the car with an old pair of underwear and kept at this for hours on end. The car grew to believe that he was beautiful above all others and he developed terrible highwinded  manners.

My brother Beesley is a sweet, modest little car. One day, as he was playing splash with some other cars, the ugly car drove past. The ugly car kept his headlights forward and wouldn’t even look at the cars playing. If you pass close by a game of splash then of course, you know, you get splashed and there’s no harm done really and you just move on. When the ugly car was inevitably splashed he let out a loud scream.

Just look what you’ve done to me, he shouted. I’m a mess! You’ve hurt me! You hurt me!

The other cars stopped and watched as he drove up to a store window to look at his reflection. Of course, when he looked at the glass he saw his own ugly, rusty body, just as it always had been. The ugly car got it into his head that this was the work of the water that had gotten on him. He cried even louder.

Look! You’ve made me ugly! 

But you were always ugly, said a little car.

The ugly car ran home, weeping the whole way. We didn’t see him around after that. Beesley tells me that sometimes the ugly car comes to play with him but then runs away if he hears anyone else coming.

Recorded by Tulip.